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Thursday, September 20, 2012

little victories

So, I had my third weigh in on the 17th of September.

I have lost another 6lbs, -19lbs in total so far.

I am still at my mother in law's house, it is so hard to be here! I am a total crab!! My children have become complete monsters.. Like I just got kicked and slapped (and am now telling my 2 year old to get off the table for the 20th time in the last hour) ...So, now she's in time-out. Personally, I don't care if she is on the table. This is not my house, these are not my rules. Everyone here seems to forget that my children are very young. Yesterday Ivy got into some eggs that were left on the edge of the counter. She is always getting yelled at by her grandparents because they leave things out. Ivy has destroyed so many nasty cigarettes while here, maybe if people would put them UP that wouldn't happen. Then grandma has to drop a "if you do it again, I'm going to make you eat them" now Ivy thinks they are to eat. Seriously.

Anyways, negativity sucks. I am trying to be more positive in everything. Very trying when you are not in your comfort zone. Oh, and are told you are an inadequate parent almost everyday.. BUT really.. What can I do? I get to go home tomorrow. Do you know how EXCITED I AM?! I can't wait to sleep in my own bed, and have my own things, and my own couch, and my own MESS. Since I've been here, I'm the only one who changes the toilet paper roll! I'm the only one whose swept the floor, or cleaned anything.. LOL.. I've been here a month! But my cleaning at my house has been scrutinized.. I'm the one with the two small children here!!

Now, all that crap aside.. I am happy. My kids are screaming, and I've had a headache for a month (not even being dramatic here.. I have sleep apnea, and I think when it acts up my head hurts) I am not currently using a CPAP.. with my weight loss, my doctor seems to think it will go away! :)

Everyday is built up on small victories. Every time I decide NOT to eat a bite of the bread I'm cutting for my kids, is a victory. Every piece of pie, and every spoonful of sugar I don't put in my coffee is a victory. Everyday that I eat well makes it easier to keep eating well. It's not worth it to break my 'chain' of good eating, and good choices. In the beginning it is hell, "Oh who cares, it's only been two days" That's how I was thinking in the beginning of this adventure.. I don't think like that anymore. Last night I was "bad" I had a little tiny spoon of gravy, and fully intended on eating a slice of pie with everyone else. It s my absolute favourite... Strawberry Rhubarb.. When it came time, and I cut a piece for my kids... I had none. I sat and watched my inlaws, kids, and Jay eat pie.. I drank water, and proclaimed my want for pie. I also said "But it's not worth cheating for." I am only cheating myself, and when I cheat myself, I cheat my babies. It's a pretty good motivator.

Alright, so I've lost almost 20lbs, I still have at least 100lbs to go. It will be a long journey, and there will be times where I just want to give up. I have to stay positive. Attitude is everything! Right?

Good luck.

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