So.

I conveniently skipped march! Why?

Well.
I went to Cuba!! So I lived on bread and alcohol for a week LOL. Yeah. Not my shining moment, but I really did not like any of the food.. I tried their salads and lets just say I only had one bite, and that was enough of that.

I have been writing up a bunch of recipes which I will share eventually! With pictures! Delicious pictures. Aside from my week in Cuba, I have been pretty much on plan. I have no official weigh ins since my last post, sadly.

The clinic I was going to was in Newmarket, well, they're closed now. So I've been waiting for my fiancé to get referred so we can both do the plan, and go on the same day!

I am excited, I'm feeling like I'm not losing any weight at all, so I'm not too sure.. I am kind of feeling sad, because I am sticking to plan, but ugh! I just want to cry cause I'm so trying, but not been super active thanks to depression, and a cold. I know it's a crap excuse. I want to get outside, but the damn weather is working against me. Ugh.

Anyways yeah. Offices weigh in on the 11th, I'm curious to see where I'm at.

Boo!

So.. Last weigh in?? -3lbs fat.. +2lbs water +1lbs non fat mass

So, the scale stays the same. That -3lbs fat is okay though, but not leading to me of my goal of 50lbs by June. Still have 37lbs to go.. I am trying to step it up! It's been hard, I've been suffering headaches almost daily lately, I don't dig it.
I have a doctors appointment on the 26th so I am going to bring this up to her.

I need to do today's workout and am feeling so unmotivated, my kids have been rotten and ugh! Just unhappy with that.

I did get some awesome news though I am going on a trip at the end of the month with my sister . Totally going to ruin my eating plans, but gonna attempt to goto the gym daily there to make up for it. Here's hoping I don't gain anything!


So my total weight loss is sitting at -66lbs..

Another one (or nine!) bites the dust!

So, on Tuesday I went for a very dreaded weigh in.. I had stepped up my activity with JM's 30 day shred. I've missed a total of four days I think in 3 weeks? So I'm pretty good at sticking to it!

Anyway, I'm down 66lbs. Which is awesome! 9lbs in two weeks? I can deal with that! So I've lost 13lbs since Christmas. Seems like I'm on track for my goal of 50lbs by June! I can't wait to get there! I am so proud of how far I have come, and am definitely suffering from the body transmorphic disorder or whatever it's called. I look in the mirror, and I look the same as I did at 321. I tried on a pair of size 14 jeans.. A bit big. I tried on size 12s.. An inch too small! I don't see myself being that small.. I hope my view of myself starts changing!! I am scared of my skin, it's pretty droopy. I can't believe it to be honest.. I hope somehow I can have the surgery to remove it.

Post weigh in bluuuueess..

Well, I went for my weigh in on the 22nd. Down 3lbs fat, and my water was up 1lb and my Fat free mass was up 1lb. Frustrating. But, motivating to keep me from messing up! I wasn't watching my fat or salt intake as close as usual..

I am now doing two separate work outs per day, and my legs are complete jello right now lol! (Doing turbo jam, and 30 day shred) so.. Lets see how that goes. I'm on day 3 right now! I can't wait til I start feeling stronger.. I have never been as weak as I am now. I am also trying to master the 2 minute plank. My longest time right now is 1:36 .. I'll get there eventually!! I hope. Planks are exceedingly difficult for me.. At 264lbs.. Holding that much weight up is hard! Lol!

So in total I am down 57lbs.. I can't wait for the 5th to see how these two weeks treat me!

Post holiday weigh in!

Well, I faced the music.
The trip down to Newmarket was crap, I was mad at my fiancé for making me late, I had an anxiety attack AND my eldest puked all over herself.. So, Ivy accompanied me into my doctor's appointment, in all our vomit covered glory. A wool scarf was about all I had in the car to clean us up, so I'm sure we smelled about as good as we looked.

So, I stepped on the scale.. Only down 3lbs! That is kind of awesome!! I get my little print out, read it, and damn if I'm not down 9lbs of fat! I've gained 6 of water! Nooo! After the trip home, I notice I've received my monthly visitor.. Ohhh, damn water retention!

Overall I'm pretty happy with that, I am down 56lbs in total! 22 weeks in, I think I am doing pretty good. Think I can lose another 50 by June? I think I can! I just can't wait to see what my future holds! By the time I can afford to be married, I will probably be my goal weight, haha.. Such a silly but awesome thing.

I am being super strict for the rest of January, I think a good start will set the tone for the rest of the year!!

Personal Challenge.

"This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality. Embrace this moment. Remember, we are eternal, all this pain is an illusion." tool ~ parabola

I draw a lot of my motivation, and happiness from music. I don't know if that makes sense, but there are just songs that just blow my mind, and make me feeling amazing.


I started a personal challenge.. 50lbs by June 2013. I think it's doable..

Photo 1, January 1st 2013. A few others on a facebook group I am apart of are doing the same kind of thing, a personal photo challenge. It is a bit humiliating posting a full body photo of myself. I would like to mention, though, this is AFTER already losing 50lbs, so.. Just imagine what I looked like before! Yuck.

I have have 100lbs to go to be 170lbs, at 5'9" that is a pretty okay weight. I probably won't reach that goal due to excess skin.. Sadly. It is already looking pretty droopy. While you can't really tell from this photo, my legs are much smaller than my upper body. I wore a size 18 pant before starting my diet-- most people my size are into 24-28+ sizes. I can't wait to lose weight off my midsection, and arms.

Awesomeness about this picture? Both the pants, and shirt were too small for me before (Both XL sizes, but running a bit on the smaller XL size on the shirt), they're both baggy on me now! Awesome, right?



Being healthy is hard, but I am busting my ass. I have to complete this month of "clean" eating. (ie, no tastes, cheats, or badness) and I will be graduating to "PHASE 2" meaning.. I can have more carbs per serving. Which is a super exciting concept to me, I can't wait to start trying some recipes I've found.. I would like to experiment with baking, as well! I have a hungarian dessert that I made a "real" one for Christmas.. it is essentially cookies, layered with a buttercream, and pastry cream filling... and apricot preserves. Topped with dark chocolate. The only thing is I don't know if I will be able to find a low carb apricot jam.. I have seen some "spreads" at the ontario nutrition store, so I will definitely be looking into those! The serving size of them is very small, a slice like maybe 5cm by 5cm! I will have to do some math, and stuff to see if it's actually doable for my diet. I bet it will be, and it will be delicious!


Anyways, feelin' a bit better over here lately, though I have had a headache for 2 days. Ugh. Horrible! It was a migraine, but now it's just down to a dull headache. I hope it goes away soon.. It's hard to be motivated to clean up my house when I can't bend down! My head and eyes are trying to buldge out of my head!

Holidays

My holidays were crap. I made a lot of bad eating choices. I have been back on track for a few days but I am still having crazy cravings. Agh, now is a time for sugar free candy, but I don't have any. I'm afraid that I might give in to all the sweets in my house. I can't. I have goals.

I want to lose at least 50lbs before June. I want to be 100lbs lighter for the summer. It would be pretty amazing.. I'd only be 50lbs from my goal then. Such a silly thing to be excited for, only being 50lbs overweight!


I just can't imagine ever being less than 200lbs. I hope I can actually get there. I have to stay motivates! I have started a daily exercise regime- it's nothing that strenuous right now, but it does give me a work out and it's something to help keep me motivated again.

Anyways, my next weigh in isn't until January 8th (I think) wish me luck, hope I didn't gain..