However did you come to be here?

Tuesday, December 18, 2012


Sorry for no updates, I have been super busy! My mom is visiting from Quebec for Christmas. It's awesome that she's here!

I am losing some motivation for my serious black and white view of this diet. I have messed up a lot the last week. I don't see my doctor again until the 8th. I am in a frame of mind right now where my only goal for the rest of this month is to not gain. I could care less about losing.. I just feel so blah! Christmas is about food and family. I just put so much damn emotion into my cooking to be able to just ... Not do it anymore. I am baking and cooking just the same as I always have. A lot of people would say it's bad, or that I don't understand the diet. I sure do, I sure understand it. But life is short, and I want to be happy. I find happiness in cooking for my family and friends.. Healthy food, or not. I could do a healthy Christmas meal, but, would anyone really want it? Would my family want to drive two hours to have rabbit food? I wouldn't.

I have a hard time with the idea of being low carb for the rest of my life. In my head I will be low carb until I reach my goal. Then I will test to find a life style that suits me better. Maybe I will do weight watchers, or count calories for maintenance. I just ... Don't know. I can tell you I won't eat carbs the way I did. Though.

I am feeling sad. I hope I can figure this out. I hope I am not setting my kids up to face such horrible weight problems. I am sitting with my daughter, as she's eating a peanut butter sandwich (that she asked for) and I feel guilty for it. I feel like I shouldn't give it to her, like by feeding her carbs I am messing her up for life. Uhhghg! Such a horrible frame of mind. I dislike this.

Anyways, I am going to celebrate the way I want, I am going to be happy, and have the food that makes me feel happy and loved. Not everyday, just one one special day. If I misstep, it happens. I have my tools, as soon as these holidays pass, the temptation will be gone. It will be back to normal, be back to not being strapped for cash, and just trying to get by without buying extra.

Lately I have found that I would rather not eat, then eat something healthy. Does that even make sense? I am not hungry. I had an egg and spinach for breakfast, and a coffee. I should be hungry. I'm not. Ugh!

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