However did you come to be here?

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Ahh Halloween.

Halloween: my favourite holiday. I love horror, and all that fun cheese.

This year I was able to live it through my children, which was fabulous. My 2 year old didn't care about the rain, and wind.. So in turn, neither did I. We started at 6:30, and didn't get in till 9:30 .. Both my kids were happy as clams. We sorted candy, and I was not tempted. After the whole shebang, we still had to go grocery shopping.. I stuffed some candies in my pockets for the girls 'cause they hadn't had dinner yet, we were Going to take them to McDonald's in the Walmart. Well, they were closed.. We got our shopping done, and hit McDonald's on the way home. I had a left over salad, and half a steak in the fridge, so I had that.

Yesterday, the chocolate in the cupboard got to me.. DP bought a bunch on sale for himself. Knowing it wasn't the girls candy made it ... Accessible to me. I never am tempted by their treats, cause they are for the kids. Ugh. So I for sure knocked myself out of ketosis.. I am not proud, in fact am ashamed. It is I hard to just say no. It's ridiculous how weak it makes me feel to think I can't even ignore a damn mini chocolate bar. My willpower is strong, but .. The kids screaming, and not listening stresses me out.. I never learned how to cope with stressful situations. My way of coping was to eat, or do something horrible to myself. Both very unhealthy, yet both still ingrained into my being

This diet is not only about food, it is about coming face to face with the reasons behind why I eat. Did my parents teach me this? Did they not hug me enough, is it just my nature? Am I doomed to be unhealthy my entire life? And will I ever be able to over come this. I want to replace my stress eating with stress exercising. I think that is at least productive. I think I need to seek some guidance, I need to learn some we coping skills.

Ugh I don't know!

I have started using my fitness pal, and now that I am tracking my calories, ontop of carbs.. I never hit my daily recommended intake. Is this a bad thing? Even the day where I ate the chocolate, I was still 500 calories under the recommended minimum for my body.. Just something interesting to think about.

I will be asking my doctor when I see her next about all of this. And the dizziness has returned.

Alright, good luck!

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