It's a bit of a big thing for me to swallow that I will have to eat like this for the rest of my life. I can't never sit down and eat a bag of chips without feeling guilty, and disgusting. I am working so hard. I couldn't throw away my hard work on chips, or candy, or a beloved toasted peanut butter sandwich.
It's kind of weird, it's like a death of the part of me that loves snacks. Jeez, I even have an email that says I like snacks. I used food to define me, to define my good memories. Every Christmas/Thanksgiving dinner I've hosted; would it have been as pleasant without the sweet potatoes, and fresh bread? Without the pumpkin pie, and cheesecake? Would my christmas cookie plates mean less if they were replaced with sugar free, flourless cakes?
It's a hard thing for me.. I have a gift when it comes to baking or cooking, and I feel like I can't use it. I feel like I've had a piece of my body removed, and I'm still in the denial stage, lol.
Like some ridiculous Kübler-Ross model, I haven't reached anger yet. Maybe I have.. I am angry. I am angry I let this happen, I am angry that to be healthy, to make healthy choices it costs DOUBLE what it does to make bad ones. I hate that I can't go out to dinner with my fiancée because every restaurant puts vast amounts of salt, and who knows what else in their food! But I could get a salad, and eat it with no dressing! AND PAY DOUBLE WHAT THE COST OF A DAMN HAMBURGER COSTS!
It's frustrating, to say the least. I am not rich by any means, which unfortunately limits my choice when it comes to food. Every morning I have spinach and eggs. I've gotten to the point where I don't even put pepper on it 'cause I don't care. It's just fuel. I am just eating it because I have to. I crack an egg into a measuring cup, mix it up, put spinach on top, cover with plastic wrap, and microwave it for a minute. Fast flavourless breakfast. But, I wouldn't trade my flavourless breakfast for my beloved toast.
There are low carb toast options, a flax bread the ontario nutrition company carries.. It's 6 dollars (I think) for a loaf. Yeah. I have a hard time paying 3 dollars for the regular bread! Why isn't it 99 cents anymore?!
The cost of living is skyrocketing, and the pay is not changing. It's upsetting.
Also, I appear to get massive headaches from artificial sweetners. I need to pick up some stevia, and see if that helps. Pfft with all my money, right?
Oh; I should also mention, today is my wonderful daughter's birthday! She is 2 years old :) it's crazy how fast they grow. Her and her sister are the main reason I am doing this. I want them to learn to make proper choices when it comes to eating. My parents never gave me those tools, I am still learning..
And, on that bombshell... I must end this post!
Good luck, and lots of love!
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